Benard J. Fagan
Born June 23, 1927 – Died August 23, 2008 Obituary
I have learned alot about my Grandfather in the past few days.. As I sat through the Eulogy, I realized the picture that was painted of him, was not the same as the man I knew.. The man I knew, was “controlling, always worrying, and rude”.. He was a typical “grumpy old man”.. but I learned to love him as that.. I would watch as he would shut people off, and push them away.. I even recal times when he would literally push me out the door.. If anything would happen that would alter his “bubble” he would freak.. but even so, I accepted him as the man he was.. and extended grace where it was needed..
There was a point, in which his demeanor changed in the past year.. As my Grandmothers health dwindled, and his fell along with it.. I knew he could sense what was at the horizon.. It was refreshing to see him, in those moments.. when words that were once blunt, and offensive, turned to words that were graceful, and filled with love.. I held on to those moments, as glimpses into the heart of a man that had been through alot.. and that at the end of the day.. he knew what mattered the most..
What grieves me the most, is the thought that it may have been too late.. Yes, it was good for the immediate family, but what about all the other lives that had been pushed away?.. Today, I have forgiven my grandfather… And will love and honor his memory, as the man he was.. The man whose heart changed in the year that I knew him..
My prayer is this.. to honor the memory of my Grandfather.. and Love others even when its not convienent.. My tendancy to isolate, and push away.. (I think it’s genetic).. but I will honor his memory, by learning from his life.. and pushing forward to live a life that really matters..
