rants of a beggar

The Preface: Before I go into my rant.. I would like to clarify my heart concerning the church. I have gone to church most of my life, from the time I was 4, I can remember reciting memory verses in Sunday School and listening to all the crazy stories of the Old Testament. However it has only been in the last 7 years, that I have recklessly pursued the heart of God. In my pursuit of HIM, I was drawn to the beauty of His bride.. the Church. I spent several years preparing for missions overseas, and found myself planting networks of house churches in the States. Through that experience God unveiled the heart of His bride, and allowed me to fall so deep in love with the Church that I now dedicate my life as her bondservant…

Flash Forward: Today I serve in a local church as the Director of Spiritual Life. It is my sole responsibility to protect the integrity of the church, and to be compelled by the hearts of the people in which it contains. I am also involved in a UNITY movement, which has seen it’s better days.. but with the dedication of a few good men, and the voice of God beckoning us.. We press on.

My Rant: I once had a dream (not MLK JR.. but close) of going to a church, sitting in the pew, and listening to a preacher.. only to find myself surrounded by corpses. The vision of this shook me to my core.. It forced me quickly to my knees and pray. It stirred me and put me on guard against any false teaching, and sharpened me to always examine right doctrine. But it doesn’t take away the question.. How and Why churches die?

Living in New England, I drive by so many old church buildings with beautiful architecture and historical content from the early colonial settlers. But each building carries a dry and darkened spirit, which is reflected upon many that “visit”.. but very few people that belong. The life that these monuments once contained is found depleted and empty. It’s obvious to me that the church is not the building, but the establishment of the people in which it contains… yet the structure of the building, represents life that once was and is no more.

What are the signs of death in a church?

Individually we examine our lives and preach unto others that the consequences of SIN is death. Yet how do we hold those standards to the church corporately? In the Old Testament, God is constantly offended by the corporate SIN of the Israelites. Prophet after Prophet He sends them, to warn them of their sinful, selfish desires and remind them of His unfailing promise. Yet somehow in our individualistic society and culture we ignore the concept of collective SIN. Anytime the church puts their own agenda before God’s, they SIN against Him.

In churches today many of the programs or ministries become self serving, and are used more for their own entertainment and content, rather than the desires and plans God has for them. His WILL, will always shake ours.. and force us to step in FAITH in a direction that is never natural to us. IF your church simply plays it “safe”, then you are withering away from the PLAN God has.

God’s plan is never about us.. but always for us.

I am sure church leaders serve whole heartedly and do what they believe is right. But there comes a point in leadership, when you have to follow the voice of God in spite of the unknown. John 3:8 describes the Spirit of God moving like the wind. So often God speaks and we grasp on to it like a ledge.. but when He speaks again, we rationalize it out and cling to the ledge He first revealed. Unwilling to reach out to the next ledge which ultimately leads us to a better place and reveals even MORE of His plan.

Hanging from the ledge, unable to move.. we slowly decay.

Signs of death may not always be obvious.. Our “good” intentions become entwined with our selfish desires and the contrast becomes blurred. We act in the what we believe is the best interest of our church, but forget about the Church as a whole. Our focus dwells on establishing our own fiefdom and not the Kingdom of God in which we belong.

What the church should be..

The church (emphasis on little “c”) is merely an outpost of the Kingdom to which we all belong.
The church is the “City on a Hill” a “Light in the darkness” Matt 5:14-16.
The church is an embassy in a foreign land with allegiance to a King and Kingdom that is distant from those around us.
The church must operate and make decisions with the Church as the forefront of it’s agenda.
The more a church focuses on itself, the more it becomes isolated from the Kingdom it belongs to.

It’s a foreign concept for people to hear of a couple abstaining from sex before marriage.. Even amongst Christian circles the worst is always assumed.. and for most cases, rightfully so. It’s part of our human design to love and be loved, however SIN has a way to mess that up and shipwreck our own desires against us.

I do believe in purity before marriage. Each and every day, I battle for the purity of my soon to be bride. I’ve acknowledge through setting clear boundaries, close accountability partners, and clear transparency.. that God has equipped me to be the Man that Christ has established.

Purity is not a passive game.. It must always be on the forefront and continually safeguarded.

In the story of the Garden of Eden, Adam stood silently as Eve partook of the fruit… Yet Christ who was the second Adam laid down His life so that His bride (the church) could be redeemed and made blameless.

It is with that fervor of Christ, I hold in my relationship. The world, and even my own sinful desires are constantly at work against us. Yet only by His grace and clinging to His strength am I even allowed the ability to be here today.

What I have learned from maintaining Purity in my relationship, has knocked me off my feet. Each and every day I discover God’s intent in my human relationship, and see His light shine through it. God has set forth a design and a purpose for each and every man and woman. There is divine wisdom in His intent, for it was made that we might enjoy His life, and live it to the fullest.

Mark 10:13
One day some parents brought their children to Jesus so he could touch and bless them. But the disciples scolded the parents for bothering him. 14 When Jesus saw what was happening, he was angry with his disciples. He said to them, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children.”

Children are so impressionable and responsive to the environment around them. Their world is formed on the perspective they have of the family and people in their lives. They have no choice but to assume the good intent of the world that surrounds them.

As time passes we grow hardened by the fallen world around us. We become victimized and hurt by the people we’ve trusted, and assumed with our best interest. Layer after layer we learn to guard our heart, as we learn to fight through the pain, or become crippled by it.

Maturing is a natural and healthy process, but it doesn’t change who you are in your CORE. In our heart of hearts, rest all the insecurities and dependencies we carried as a child. Deep down we all want to be LOVED and NURTURED. But have become damaged and broken, by other damaged and broken people.

Before Christ, I imagine a child that is lost and crippled by the world around it. Drowning the need we have to be LOVED and NURTURED with temporary pleasures that leave us unsettled and wanting more. Thrashing blindly in the water, thinking that we are swimming and living the life we’re supposed to be. But it isn’t until we STOP and TURN to Christ, do we understand truly WHO we are, and the LIFE we are called to live.

Mark 10:15 “I tell you the truth, anyone who doesn’t receive the Kingdom of God like a child will never enter it.”

It is in our CORE that we must come to Christ not only as our King, but as our Father that loves us. Surrendering our fear/guilt/pain through complete and absolute dependence on Him. In our CORE dependence on HIM we find unwavering strength and security and learn more of Gods love and our identity.

Uncertainty creeps into my mind as a fog gently rolling in..
A path that once shown clear.. now lay hidden beneath me..
All that has passed.. now becomes questioned..

“Was I wrong? Why am I here? Where do I go?”

Words wrestle in my heart… Insecurities wreak havoc in my mind..
Peace flees.. Mountains escalate..
Tasks that were once simple.. now become unbearable.
Each step forward gives more reason to give up.

Yet in the most deafening of circumstances.. a still voice arises

“Why do you anguish for a life that is not your own?”

The hardest lessons in life can’t be taught.. but must be learned

As cliche as it may seem.. each day truly is a new start, a new step.
Even paths that have been mapped out, offer unforeseen opportunity.

The biggest hurdles aren’t just the “lessons”..
Rather the attitude and perspective we carry through them.